Everyone around me talked about holiday cheer—lights, festive gatherings, gift exchanges. On the other hand, I felt like I was living in a parallel universe—one without joy or sparkle. That’s how I knew my “emotional hangover” from past years was rearing its head again.
For those of us carrying unresolved trauma, the holidays don’t always match the glowing Hallmark scenes. And sometimes, that heaviness sticks around well into January. You’re not alone if you feel extra drained or disconnected instead of refreshed by the New Year.
When the Holidays Don’t Feel Like the Holidays
This year, I felt so distant that it barely registered as the holiday season for me. Usually, I enjoy Christmas festivities, but I skipped them altogether. It was as if the holiday spirit slipped through my fingers—lost somewhere between old memories and my current reality.
Key Insight: Feeling “checked out” during the holidays can signal deeper emotional undercurrents, especially if you have past experiences or traumas triggered by all the seasonal emphasis on family and togetherness.
Unresolved Grief and the Weight of Memories
One memory that often resurfaces is spending Christmas in foster care. I had the means to celebrate where I was, but I couldn’t stop wondering about my mom—whether she was okay or if she was celebrating at all. The holidays’ hyper-focus on family magnified that loss, reinforcing how much I missed her.
I’ve also grieved the idea of a “normal” family. Growing up in foster care, there wasn’t a stable home to return to. Today, my mother has passed away, and just as I was getting to know my dad, he suffered a traumatic brain injury. The gap between the loving families I see on TV and my reality hits especially hard at Christmas.
Reflect: If you’re feeling down in January, think about which holiday memories (good or bad) might be tugging on your heart. It’s okay to grieve what you never had or lost.
Big-T Trauma, Small-t Trauma, and Sensory Triggers
Trauma can take many forms—some experiences are “Big-T” Traumas (like abuse or loss), while others are “small-t” traumas (like feeling forgotten or overshadowed). Both can shape how we react to the holidays.
For instance, seeing certain Christmas trees can pull me back to memories of my mom at Christmas, triggering waves of sadness. This year, I was also reminded of my brother’s first Christmas. He was the new baby in the family, and my sensitive child’s mind interpreted the shift of attention as me not mattering anymore. On the surface, that might not seem like a massive trauma, but it left a significant imprint on how I view family gatherings and the attention I receive—or don’t receive.
Key Insight: “Small-T” traumas can be as impactful as “Big-T” traumas. Holiday sights, sounds, and smells can trigger any unresolved hurts, no matter how “small” they may seem.
Faith, Fatigue, and the Fight for Self-Care
Faith is the cornerstone of my well-being. When I’m struggling with triggers, my first instinct is to bring those feelings to Jesus—pray and let Him hold my burdens. But trauma has a sneaky way of distracting us, and sometimes, the exhaustion is so heavy that I crash before I can crack open my Bible or even whisper a prayer.
Despite the struggle, I’ve found journaling to be a lifeline. If my mind is too scattered for prayer, I’ll scribble them down. One boundary I set this year was actively resting—letting myself off the hook of holiday expectations. Redefining productivity helped me focus on soul care rather than hustling through a season already weighing me down.
Try This: Even a short, one-sentence prayer can be powerful. For instance, “Lord, I’m overwhelmed right now—please meet me here.” Sometimes, that’s all it takes to begin shifting your perspective.
Self-Compassion: Easier Said Than Done
I’ll be honest: self-compassion is still a struggle for me. It feels unnatural to say, “It’s okay to feel this way,” when my instinct is to shut down or push through. But I’m learning that acknowledging my emotions is step one to releasing them.
Here are a few ways I’m practicing self-compassion:
- A Quick Self-Check: Pause and ask, “What am I feeling right now? Is it sadness, anxiety, or numbness?” Just naming the emotion can diffuse some of its power.
- Affirmations or Scripture: Keep a note with encouraging statements or verses on your phone. Read them when you catch yourself in negative self-talk.
- Compassionate Journaling Prompt:
- “What memory from this holiday season still lingers in my heart, and what would it be if I could say anything to comfort myself in that moment?”
Mantra: “My feelings are valid, and I am worthy of love—even in my mess.”
Repeating this may feel strange at first, but the more you practice it, the gentler you become with yourself.
If You’re Feeling Drained, Start Here
If you’re not sure where to begin with your emotional hangover, here are a few small steps:
- Acknowledge It Out Loud
- Say to yourself (or in a journal), “I’m experiencing an emotional hangover from the holidays.”
- Invite God or a Trusted Friend In
- If you’re a person of faith, pause for a quick prayer or reflection. If not, contact a friend, counselor, or support group.
- Set One Kind Boundary
- Maybe it’s limiting social media in the evenings or taking a 10-minute walk alone daily. A simple boundary can help you reclaim mental space.
Smooth Transition: “If these steps feel overwhelming, remember: you’re not trying to fix everything at once—just tending to your heart, one small action at a time.”
Moving Beyond the Emotional Hangover
It’s tempting to think the holiday season ends on January 1st, but emotional fallout can linger long after. Recognizing these feelings is the first step toward healing them. While it may require intentional effort—prayer, journaling, counseling, or simply letting yourself cry—you can find relief.
You’re not broken; you’re healing. Healing takes time, patience, and often a lot of grace, but acknowledging your pain is a powerful start.
Call to Action
Before you exit this page, consider taking one of these steps:
- Share Your Experience
- Have you felt an emotional hangover this year? Comment below or message me. Putting your feelings into words can ease the weight you’re carrying.
- Practice a 5-Minute Journaling Prompt
- “Which holiday memory (positive or negative) still occupies my mind, and how does it make me feel right now?”
- Offer a Simple Prayer
- Something like: “God, I feel heavy. Please guide my heart toward rest and renewal.”
Remember, healing is not a one-time event; it’s a continual process. You don’t have to do it alone—reach out for help, lean on your faith, and trust that your painful emotions are also signals that you deserve compassion and care.
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