Trauma leaves behind invisible marks—on your thoughts, body, relationships, and identity. Whether it’s the pain of losing someone, being hurt by someone you trusted, or living through years of emotional stress, trauma can shape how you feel, think, and relate to the world. This post breaks it down simply: what trauma really is, how it shows up in everyday life, and what healing can look like.
What Is Trauma, Really?
Trauma isn’t just the event—it’s your body and mind’s response to it. It’s the moment when something overwhelms your capacity to cope, and it can be shaped by a number of factors:
- What happened — the nature and severity of the event
- When it happened — your age and developmental stage
- How often it happened — once, repeatedly, or over time
- Who caused it — especially if it came from someone you trusted
- Public or private — visibility and shame can play a role
- Support systems — who was (or wasn’t) there to help
- Contextual issues — culture, family, and environment
- Personal resources — your coping tools and emotional resilience
Everyone reacts to trauma differently. When I was placed in foster care as a child, I emotionally shut down while my younger brother lashed out. He became the troubled one. I became the quiet one. We were both carrying pain—just in different ways.
Big “T” vs. Little “t” Trauma
Trauma isn’t always catastrophic. Sometimes, it’s quiet, hidden, or dismissed.
- Big “T” Trauma includes life-threatening or overwhelming events—things like accidents, abuse, or natural disasters—widely recognized as traumatic.
- Little “t” trauma involves less obvious but still painful experiences, like chronic stress, emotional neglect, or being constantly criticized.
Even if no one else saw it as traumatic, if it left a mark on you, it matters. Both types of trauma are valid—and both deserve healing.
How Trauma Affects the Whole Person
Trauma doesn’t stay in the moment—it reshapes how we feel, think, relate, and function day to day. It affects the whole person:
- Emotionally, you may feel anxious, numb, or reactive. I used to snap at anyone who said “good morning.” It wasn’t moodiness—it was unprocessed pain.
- Mentally, trauma can bring racing thoughts, shame-based beliefs, or intrusive memories. Sleepless nights and overthinking are common.
- Relationally, it often distorts trust. You might pull away, cling too tightly, or repeat unhealthy patterns—trauma prepares us for survival, not connection.
- Physically, it can live in the body through fatigue, tension, headaches, or stomach issues. For me, deep breathing and movement became essential for feeling grounded again.
- Neurologically, trauma rewires the brain. It heightens fear responses and weakens emotional regulation. But the good news is: healing also rewires. Therapy helped me feel calmer and more in control.
Types of Trauma: Understanding the Different Wounds We Carry
Trauma isn’t one-size-fits-all. It can be sudden or long-lasting, loud or hidden, simple or layered. Understanding the different types can help you name your experience—and start to untangle it.
Acute Trauma
Caused by a single distressing event—like an accident, assault, or unexpected loss—that leaves you feeling shocked and overwhelmed.
Chronic Trauma
Results from ongoing exposure to harmful experiences, like abuse, neglect, or constant instability. It wears you down over time and can reshape how safe you feel in the world.
Complex Trauma
Arises from multiple traumatic events, especially within close relationships. For me, complex trauma shaped how I saw myself, who I trusted, and how I moved through the world.
Each type brings unique challenges. None are more or less “worthy” of healing. If it hurt you, it matters.
Not Sure If It’s Trauma? Start with ACEs
If you’ve ever wondered, “Was what I went through really trauma?”, the Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) study might help connect the dots. ACEs include early experiences like:
- Physical, emotional, or sexual abuse
- Neglect or emotional abandonment
- Growing up with substance use, mental illness, or incarceration in the home
- Divorce or separation of parents
- Witnessing violence at home
The more ACEs you’ve had, the more likely you may be to face emotional or health challenges later in life. But this isn’t about blame—it’s about awareness. Identifying your ACEs can help explain patterns, pain points, and behaviors that once felt confusing or disconnected.
📎 You can take the ACEs quiz online to start understanding how your past may be shaping your present. (ACES)
Taking Responsibility for Your Healing
You didn’t choose what happened to you. But you can choose what you do with it now.
That shift—from waiting to be rescued, to actively participating in your own healing—is where the real power begins. It’s not about blame; it’s about reclaiming your life.
For me, that looked like therapy, breathwork, books, and lots of grace. It wasn’t pretty. Sometimes I made progress; sometimes I spiraled. But every time I came back to myself, I reminded my nervous system: We’re safe now. That consistency? That was the healing.
Coping with Trauma: Tools for Everyday Healing
Healing takes time—but there are small, daily things you can do to support yourself along the way. Here are some tools that helped me, and may help you too:
Talk to Someone
Sharing your story reduces shame and reminds you that you’re not alone. Whether it’s a friend, therapist, or support group, connection is a powerful antidote to trauma.
Write It Out
Journaling gives your feelings somewhere to go. When I couldn’t speak what I was feeling, I wrote it—and that helped me understand it.
Move Your Body
Trauma lives in the body, and movement helps release it. Even gentle walks, stretching, or dancing can help regulate your nervous system. I didn’t love it at first, but movement grounded me more than anything else.
Take Care of the Basics
Sleep. Water. Food. These aren’t just checkboxes—they’re the foundation for emotional regulation. When those needs are met, everything else gets just a little easier.
Let Yourself Feel
Grief, rage, sadness—whatever shows up, let it. The goal isn’t to fix your feelings—it’s to feel them and move through them.
Be Gentle and Patient
Healing isn’t linear. There are highs, setbacks, and circles. But that doesn’t mean you’re stuck. It means you’re doing the work.
Unlearning Trauma: Reclaiming Who You Were Before the Wound
Healing isn’t just surviving the past. It’s unlearning the patterns it taught you—and remembering the parts of yourself that existed before the pain.
For me, that journey started in college. I didn’t have the language for trauma, but I saw the signs: pushing people away, avoiding commitment, repeating emotional patterns I didn’t fully understand. I was reacting to trauma without knowing it.
Unlearning meant facing repressed emotions, sitting in discomfort, and choosing new responses—over and over again. It wasn’t linear. Sometimes I spiraled. But slowly, I started meeting myself with compassion instead of shame.
One of the most profound results? Becoming a mother. Trauma once told me I wasn’t meant for that kind of love—but healing proved otherwise.
If You’re Just Beginning…
You are not broken. You’re healing.
Treat your trauma like a wound in recovery: gently, consistently, with care. Let yourself feel what you couldn’t before. Don’t rush it. Just stay present and patient.
Every moment you choose yourself—every pause, breath, journal entry, or therapy session—is part of the healing.
Final Thoughts
Trauma hides in everyday life. It can shape who we become without us even realizing it. But once you learn to recognize it, you can begin to take your power back.
Understanding trauma isn’t just for people with “big” stories—it’s for anyone who has ever felt hurt, unseen, or overwhelmed by life. That means this journey is for you, too.
This isn’t where your story ends.
It’s where healing begins.
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